Convicted

The other day, Tuesday, to be exact, I wasn't in a very nice mood in the evening. I was rude to Michael at least once and he called me on it, but I neglected to change my attitude. I went on about my evening (it was close to bedtime) never getting any nicer and Michael decided he would just go to bed without really even saying much to me..... I got it, it really affected me that he would do that. What he did was probably the best way to handle me at that moment in time and God has really been doing a number on me since then.

For example, I decided later on to get into my Bible - I've been lacking in this area lately and that is probably part of my problem (not making time for God's Word) - and opened up to my daily Proverb and what do I find? Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Yikes.... that was written just for me.

I've realized, after much prayer and reflection, that I haven't been very nice lately (probably a couple of months). Not just to Michael, but to the kids as well. This is absolutely unacceptable. I don't want my children to learn bad attitudes and not-nice behavior from me. I also don't want them learn that it's ok for a wife to criticize or disrespect her husband. The way I have been behaving is shameful. I am teaching (though inadvertently) my children how to disrespect others and they are also not being nice to Michael and I or each other. I believe that approximately 90% of this is due to me. I am the one who is with them the majority of the time and the one they learn most of their behaviors from.

How can I expect first time obedience from Jacob if I then proceed to yell at him or have a nasty tone in my voice when correcting? How can I expect Eli not to touch something (though he's been disciplined 100 times for the same thing) when I am yelling at him not to do it? I do not want my children to be scared into obedience, but rather choose obedience because it is the Godly thing to do. I am not being obedient to my calling as a mother if I am not choosing to lead my children in loving, respectful choices. I am also not being a Godly wife if I am constantly challenging the things my husband says, speaking to him disrespectfully and not trying beyond measure to make sure he's happy.