Holding my baby a little closer.

I find myself holding my darling little girl a little tighter and more often than I ever held the other two.

I simply sit and watch her - in awe.

I hold her and smell her and stroke her soft skin.

It's not because I love her more than the boys or am giving her any preferential treatment, it's solely because my heart longs to hold on to this baby stage (and every stage) as long as possible because I know there will never be another biological child in my future.

I cry.

My mind knows that if God leads us to it, there is always adoption. I also know that if this is where God chose for us to stop, then it's His will and He is sovereign and His plan is always perfect - even if it hurts and we don't understand.

But my heart still aches.